All four Alberta universities will be required, by law, to honor Sir Dr. Stephen now and award him honorary doctorates. Furthermore, said institutions must also immediately rebrand all school mascots and nicknames as Colbeagle Eagles: no more weather, evolution or godless killing machine-related nicknames. And finally, under the new regime of Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A., these Albertan cities will undergo the following changes: 10-A) in conjunction with show sponsor Doritos, and as a sign of good faith, Colberta's two largest cities, Calgary and Edmonton, will be renamed to Cool-gary Ranch and Nacho Chedd-monton. The Report once broadcasted from "Chilladelphia: The City Of Brotherly Crunch"...can a Colbertan follow-up be far behind? 10-B) the city of Lethbridge will now be known as Lethhíd, as while the people of Hungary may not have had the gravitas to give Stephen a bridge over that tool Nicholas Zrínyi, Colberta certainly can! 10-C) the city of Fort McMurray will now be simply known as THE FØRT. Seems ballsier, no? 10-D) to encapsulate the wild, free-spirit nature of the city, Red Deer will now be known as Red Deer...On The Lam! We hadn't seen any monkeys on the lam for a while, figured we'd get some use out of the graphic... 10-E) the city of Medicine Hat (and its subsequent residents and assets) will be sold to Prescott Pharmaceuticals, to flee their pending U.S. class-action lawsuit set up base in the area, and re-brand the city as VaxaHat.* * side effects of residence in VaxaHat may include double-double vision, beaver fever, or Cherry pox.