Time for the Colberta edition of the Stephen Colbert's Sport Report! Now, usually besides any stories relating to team mascots or Ontario junior league hockey (go Spirit!), I don't have much to discuss on the Sport Report...but hockey, football and chest painters in -30 blizzards are on the agenda today, as we feature the "Riding Of Champions" as the subject of our seventh installment of the CCC's 28-part series, Better Know A- Lberta!

Today's feature is the riding of Edmonton-East: the fightin' Easties!

The East is home to Rexall Place, home of the legendary Edmonton Oilers. The arena is notorious for being one of the loudest in the league, with the "Oil Crew" bringing noise levels inside to 114 decibels...about the same as standing 30 feet from Air Colbert! As well, the Oilers have produced 11 Hall Of Famers, including "The Great One," Wayne Gretzky: well excuse me, Gretz, but I believe The Colbert Nation has reserved that nickname for a certain other someone...

The riding is also home to the Capital EX, the city's national exhibition every July. Formerly known as "Klondike Days," the EX grounds host a midway, casino, food exhibits, and the annual "Chilkoot Gold Mine," teaching youngsters how to pan for gold like in the Old West. So a Wag Of My Finger goes to the EX, for teaching kids to pan...panning leads to scrounging, scrounging to panhandling, and panhandling to socialism! Don't you see the threat here?

Finally, East is also home to the Edmonton Eskimos (of the Canadian "Football" League), who play at Commonwealth Stadium. The Eskies are also no strangers to the Hall Of Fame, but perhaps more for their nicknames, like Dave "Dr. Death" Fennell, Jackie "Ole Spaghetti Legs" Parker and current Alberta Lt. Gov. Norman "The China Clipper" Kwong. You know what Stephen's CFL nickname would be? How about "Rouge? What the f*#k is a Rouge?" Colbert?

And which MP is Champion in this riding of beer-swilling, sport-loving hosers? Why, it's none other than Conservative MP Peter "Gizmo" Goldring, who has served the riding since 1997. Contact MP Gizmo here to bring up the pro-Colberta decibel levels in the House Of Commons!