I often ponder about my retirement, growing old...and not just because I'm worried Social Security will run out, and I'll be under the servitude of Viacom Inc. until I'm six feet under. Shuffleboard, dinner at 4:30, being conned by my kids...ain't it the life? And I think I may have found the perfect place: quaint, rustic, and only 10 degrees in winter! Where, may you ask? The lovely "Rose City" of Camrose, found in the subject of our eighth installment of the CCC's 28-part series, Better Know A- Lberta!

Today's feature is the riding of Crowfoot: the fightin' Siksika!

Crowfoot is best known for its dinosaur roots, as Canada's largest palaentology museum, the Royal Tyrell, is located in Drumheller. The museum boasts over 120,000 fossils and 40 mounted dinos, bringing in nearly 400,000 visitors per year to brainwash with talk of "science" and "evolution." And don't get me started on this "Royal" business: just because some old British lady visits ages ago, now you get to charge me $24 for a copy of the Resource-a-saurus Rex?

The riding is also home to its own "Giant Of The Prairies," the World's Largest Dinosaur, also in Drumheller. This Darwinistic disgrace stands at 86 feet high, and lets tourists climb up into the beast's mouth, to get a full-scale view of the city. It's bad enough we're teaching our children that we evolved from these beasts...but now we're actually ripping off the Biblical story of Jonah for photos? Why don't we just make the T-Rex poop condoms while we're at it?

Finally, the riding has been known to raise some "fossils" of men worldwide, as supermodel, actress and skin-meltingly-hot Tricia Helfer hails from Donalda. Never have I been so proud to faux-represent a riding...

...until I remember that Crowfoot is also home to Nickelback. So much for my fossilization.

And which MP represents the constituent fossils, living and dead, for the Badlands? Why, it's none other than Conservative MP Kevin Sorenson, who has served the riding since 2000. Contact MP Sorenson here to institute the Colbertan rule of law, which shall work to banish Nickelback from the land forever!