Of all the nay-sayers that are nay-saying my plans for Colbertan domination, perhaps the worst are those who cry murder over the fact that I am an American citizen. Well boo-hoo, Canuckelheads: you were willing to give honorary citizenship to the Dalai Lama, but I don't see him with his own ice cream flavor! Perhaps the Minister of Citizenship and Immigration can help push my papers through, and I'll be sure to find him in the subject of our seventeenth installment of the CCC's 28-part series, Better Know A- Lberta!

Today's feature is the riding of Calgary-Southeast: the fightin' Sou'easters!

The riding is best known for Fish Creek Provincial Park, one of the largest urban parks in North America. "The Creek" is over five square miles wide, making it over triple the size of Vancouver's Stanley Park: suck on that, Van-City! The Fish Creek serves as the main artery of the park, bring in such unique wildlife as beavers, coyotes, owls...and godless killing machines! Quick, everybody run to safety to one of the park's conveniently designated "bison kill sites!"

The riding is also home to the Marquis Of Lorne Trail, named for Canada's fourth Governor General, John G.E.H.D.S. Campbell, 9th Duke Of Argyll (or to close friends and family, just "Marquis Of Lorne"). The Marquis, a well-known lover of both the arts and the gentlemen, was so influential in Canada, it led to "Lorne" becoming a typical given name here: as a result, we've had to suffer through 35+ years of Saturday Night Live...hey, that guy looks like my friend P.K., no?

And finally, the SE is also home to Lord Beaverbrook High, Calgary's largest, and home to many notable alumni. Former fightin' Lions! include singer Lisa Lobsinger, NASA-stronaut Rob Thirsk, and current Manchester United star Owen Hargreaves. This traitor Hargreaves not only abandoned Calgary at 16 to play in Germany, but he declared himself a member the English national team! And if this were a sport I actually gave a s#@t about, I'm sure I would be outraged!

And which MP provides Canadians with multiculturalism reform and park teepee rings? Why, it's none other than Conservative MP Jason Kenney, who has served the riding since 1997. Contact MP Kenney here to get Sir Stephen his passport already...'cause god knows the Passport Canada office is a bitch to wait for!