Many have been asking what sort of grand entrance I plan to make when reclaiming Alberta for the first time. Lenin had his train ride, Napoleon had his 100 Days, and the Bushes had Monica's ride on...nevermind. But I plan to keep things low-key: I just want to visit, see the sights...and mark my territory like a leaky Pug. My desire for tourism? All due to the work of Canada's Minister Of Foreign Affairs, who also happens to be MP of the subject of our twenty-fifth installment of the CCC's 28-part series, Better Know A- Lberta!

Today's feature is the riding of Calgary-Nose Hill: the fightin' schnoz summit!

I have much respect for Nose Hill, mainly because their MP is the only MP born in the good ol' U.S. of A.! Yes, the MP here was born in Peoria, part of Illinois' 18th district (the fightin' 18th!), which I "Better Knew" (along with their Rep's 6-pack) in April 2009. Technically, there are two U.S.-born MPs in the House now: the NDP's Bruce Hyer was born in Hartford. But since Connecticut is nothing but a libero-wasteland (and thus doesn't count)...Nose Hill wins! WHOOO!

The riding was named for Nose Hill Park, Calgary's second-largest park. Before opening as a park, the vast hills were used amongst the Blackfoot, missionaries, and brothel owners throughout its history. However, all the fun of native tradition, religious observance and drunken catastrophe just had to be ruined by the eco-maniacs, who now only work to preserve the 60+ plants native to the park: what a Prairie croc-k of bull! Grab a shot and let's get Biblical!

And finally, Nose Hill provides a rare luxury, giving visitors the chance to escape to The Hamptons...Country Club! Yes, here you can live the luxurious Long Island lifestyle, without the accents, housewives or low sales taxes! As well, The Hamptons gives you the privacy to golf without the fear of a godless killing machine interfering...which cannot be said for nearby Bearspaw Country Club. Beware golfers: they want your 5-iron, pic-a-nic basket...and your soul!

And which MP bleeds red, white and blue to ensure her constituents are rolling in green? Why, it's none other than Conservative MP Diane Ablonczy, who has served the riding since 1997. Contact MP Ablonczy here to make sure she remembers her Pledge Of Alliegance: it is now mandatory under Colbertan law!